In Germany Eurovision is not a thing. Unless one belongs to a certain interested subgroup one might even miss that it was on. Not so in Iceland. Here it is inescapable. The songs play on the radio. Eurovision news are on the front of the daily newspapers. And the whole country watches the event. With time even the most resistant immigrant is assimilated. Me and my friends gathered in front of the TV to enjoy three hours of glittery silliness.

Slovenia: Headphones! Weird contorted dancing! Eurovision is going to be fun.
France: Everyone likes Les Miserables, lets copy it.
Estonia: The Icelandic commenter compared the artist to Johnny Cash. Because he is playing guitar. I guess I'm Hendrix then, I own an electric guitar.
UK: Every year the UK seems to make a point of showing they don't give a fuck about the Eurovision.
Armenia: Another duet... no wait a quartet! A sextet? I'm confused by the singing combinations on stage
Israel: My friend claims the song reminds her of belly dancing music
Lithuania: Has a clear selling point: We are a couple!
Serbia: Someone got the message that being proud of being different won last time
Norway: Here is a winning combination: Generic Eurovision song with something memorable (here the voices of the singers)
Sweden: Same as Norway. Here the special thing is the arty stage show. It occurs to me that the real artists in this contest are not the musicians, but the people creating the stage shows.
Cyprus: How did they get him to be in black and white on stage?
Australia: Are special guests because of the 60s anniversary of Eurovision and because in Australia Eurovision is as big as in Iceland. For a second I thought the singer is wearing no pants.
Belgium: A child! Why is he walking so funny? Ohhhh, he is dancing.
Austria: He is quaking, not singing. Why are they dressed up as the Beatles? The piano is on fire!
Greece: Finally! A pretty blonde woman singing a ballad in a glittery dress in front of a wind machine. This is Eurovision.
Montenegro: They are the first to not be singing English.
Germany: This really, really wants to be a bond song
Poland: There is no way to not make commenting on this uncomfortable. The singer is wheelchair bound and there are videos of her pre-accident. I'm just going to mention the wedding theme going on here.
Latvia: My friend claims this is a cheap copy of a singer called ?FTA Twix?.
Romania: The band really wants to be U2.
Spain: Now we are hitting all the Eurovision points. Woman in rope, the dress torn off to reveal a glittery outfit, lots of yahay! in the "powerful" chorus. Silly dance number in between.
Hungary: The woman seems to be confused about her presence on stage. Did they just abduct a random woman off the street handed her a microphone and pushed her on stage?
Georgia: Don't let the gothic outfit fool you, this is still the typical woman singing in front of wind machine Eurovision performance.
Azerbaijan: Fitting to the Little Red Riding Hood outfit worn by Spain, here is a werewolf themed song. More silly dancing ensues.
Russia: This woman seems to be singing for her life. Maybe literally.
Albania: This is so out much of tune.
Italy: Opera! Epicness!

During the scoring there was this awkward moment when it looked like Russia was going to win. Every commenter was quick to point out that this was about music (ehem). The presenter of the German scores called Conchita half a lady. The Russia got 12 points. Facepalms all around.
Everything ended well. Sweden won and Eurovision celebrated its glittery banality.

Extra points: draw the flags of the above mentioned countries on the appropriate places on this map